id be glad to
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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