Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
