My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
