So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
