just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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