I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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