Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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