This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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