the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
