Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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