Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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