we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
