we're making bets on your personal life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
