winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
