I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
