dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.