I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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