look no pants
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my being single is dangerous.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
