i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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