someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
