after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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