I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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