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I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Houston, we have a squirter
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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