i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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