You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Fuck appropriateness.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
