thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree