Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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