Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
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so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.