thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want