Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
