Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.