I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
