singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
