Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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