barbara walters just said penis...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
