Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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