I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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