Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
