nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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