first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
