So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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