The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Its about making memories worth repressing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
