Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
