last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
