you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
