why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
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It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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