I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.