Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake

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(530): Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake http://tfl.nu/i8af

Replies (27) Good night (1494) Bad night (599)
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(514): View more from Quebec

i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

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(514): i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty." http://tfl.nu/ecou

Replies (15) Good night (4864) Bad night (956)
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(330): View more from Ohio

He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

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(330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym

Replies (36) Good night (8020) Bad night (702)
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(850): View more from Florida

You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

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(850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q

Replies (15) Good night (9849) Bad night (1077)
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(937): View more from Ohio

how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

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(937): how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on? http://tfl.nu/yug9

Replies (16) Good night (5002) Bad night (1011)
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(432): View more from Texas

the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel

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(432): the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel http://tfl.nu/t4be

Replies (18) Good night (3534) Bad night (1323)
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(707): View more from California

The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends

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(707): The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends http://tfl.nu/16wy

Replies (11) Good night (3391) Bad night (900)
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(406): View more from Montana

Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.

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(406): Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule. http://tfl.nu/1636

Replies (4) Good night (1200) Bad night (556)
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(817): View more from Texas

I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home

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(817): I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home http://tfl.nu/rtxe

Replies (4) Good night (1884) Bad night (642)
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(917): View more from New York City

"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro

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(917): "it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro http://tfl.nu/gyn9

Replies (6) Good night (761) Bad night (2023)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.

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(902): I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged. http://tfl.nu/u3dy

Replies (5) Good night (950) Bad night (504)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.

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(218): found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging. http://tfl.nu/wawj

Replies (4) Good night (496) Bad night (908)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.

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(781): I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks. http://tfl.nu/y7p2

Replies (0) Good night (517) Bad night (322)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?

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(317): Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..? http://tfl.nu/l259

Replies (2) Good night (759) Bad night (345)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right

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(306): Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right http://tfl.nu/4x80

Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (442)

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