FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low