Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
