I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??