shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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