You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?