Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
