She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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