so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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