You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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