i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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