she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
