Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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