I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You've changed since you got that strap on
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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