i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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