Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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