im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
