i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
