be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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