I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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