I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
