Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
