Don't you send me to vm
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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