So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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