Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
