i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
