she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
