The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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