the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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