So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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