32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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