just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
