I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
