I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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