Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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