we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
