woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My liver just had a heart attack.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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