Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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