Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
