We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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