Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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