He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dignity is for republicans.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
