It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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