apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
