I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
