I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
