The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
