is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
